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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545299">no, nothing good starts in a getaway car</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowedthemoonlite/pseuds/borrowedthemoonlite'>borrowedthemoonlite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sirens in the beat of your heart [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Victorious (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Crimes &amp; Criminals, F/M, I mean, It's more like, Post-Canon, Running Away, Song: Getaway Car (Taylor Swift), Summer, Summer Fling, Summer Romance, Why would I write this, actually, are you guys into that?, but it's got bonnie and clyde vibes, i can't tell, not really - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:27:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,681</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27545299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowedthemoonlite/pseuds/borrowedthemoonlite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s a terrible decision made on a whim, he just knows.  But there’s something in her eyes that crackles with pure, unfiltered electricity and it makes him feel alive.  So he says yes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beck Oliver/Jade West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>sirens in the beat of your heart [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>no, nothing good starts in a getaway car</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s one of the first few nice days of summer and his parents are out of town for a month on vacation.  They left two days ago so naturally, he throws a party.  What else is he meant to do?  For all he knows, this could be one of the last chances before everyone’s gone off to college.</p><p>The lights are tinted blue as the music blasts through his speakers, it was all Andre’s idea, though it’s not that surprising, Andre’s always had a flair for these things.</p><p>He stops in the kitchen to get away from the noise, even if it’s just for a moment.  It seems that Jade’s had the same idea, she’s sitting on the counter when he walks in.  He nods in acknowledgment and gives her a smile before ducking into the fridge and grabbing a water bottle.</p><p>“Hey…  Do you wanna help me run away from home?” Jade asks casually through a sip of whatever it is she’s drinking, though it’s probably a soda based on the empty can next to her.</p><p>“What?” Beck looks up suddenly, only barely saving himself from hitting his head, unsure if he heard correctly.  </p><p>“I’m 18, I have access to my trust.  It’s about time I get away from my dad, don’t you think?  And you could probably go for an adventure before you condemn yourself to the next four years of your life,” she replies, explaining the situation as if it’s a completely natural thing.</p><p>Don’t get him wrong, Jade is cool, they’re kind of friends.  But they had never really been that close.  Technically, she’s really friends with <em> his </em> friends, making them friends by association..?  She’s friends with Cat, who’s friends with him and Andre, so sure, they’re friends, but in the loosest sense of the word.  She’s the third person on all of his guest lists for parties, he occasionally drives her home from rehearsals, she gives him the fries she doesn’t feel like finishing during lunch.  But they never hang out by themselves.</p><p>She tilts her head and looks at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.</p><p>It’s a terrible decision made on a whim, he just <em> knows. </em>  But there’s something in her eyes that crackles with pure, unfiltered electricity and it makes him feel alive.  So he says yes.</p><p>“Cool, fill you in later.” She says with a tone of finality, jumping off the counter and starting to walk away.</p><p>“Wait!  Why me?” He calls after her.  After all, she’s closer with both Cat and Andre, surely it would make more sense to ask them over him.</p><p>“You’re 18, and you have a driver’s license.” She replies, not turning back.</p><p>It’s a little weird, but he’s heard far worse reasoning to do far worse actions.  Except...</p><p>“Wait, Andre meets both of those, actually.” He furrows a brow.</p><p>“Oh, does he?” She smirks, looking over her shoulder.  “My mistake.  Well, I already asked you and I don’t do back-sies, so…  Looks like it’s you and me, Oliver!”</p><p>It’s him and her then, he supposes.  But there’s always been something about her that he trusts.  He’s not really sure what exactly, but something about her feels secure so he won’t argue with her.</p><p>An hour has passed already and he’s sure that she’s forgotten about it by now, that whatever <em> that </em> was, was some drunken babble that she’ll forget about in the morning.  Granted, she never drinks at parties besides an occasional one or two sips, she’s always Cat’s designated driver.  But for all he knows, maybe tonight is a different story.</p><p>But she comes up sauntering over to him and pulls him up the stairs and into his room, soundly shutting the door behind her.  “God, I’ve been looking for you for the past five minutes.”</p><p>“Sorry?” He asks, unclear if she’s annoyed or not.</p><p>“I told you I was going to fill you in on everything.” She says as if it’s completely obvious.</p><p>He stays silent, blinking in confusion.</p><p>“This is me filling you in.” She says awkwardly, sitting down on his bed.  She grabs onto his forearms (and it oddly feels like his arms are on fire?) and tugs him down to sit next to her.</p><p>She starts to speak but stops all too quickly. “Actually— Does your door lock?  I don’t want anyone to hear this.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he manages to get out, it feels like she’s moving at a completely different speed than he is, but he’s sure he’ll catch up eventually. “It’s one of the push locks.”</p><p>“Perfect.” She says, followed by the clicking of his lock and the rattling of the doorknob as she checks its sturdiness.</p><p>The bed dips slightly as she collapses back on the bed and she turns to look him in the eyes.</p><p>“Right.  I finally have access to my trust, and I can’t <em> stand </em> my dad anymore, so I’m getting out of here.  My brother cut off my dad completely, and I’m following in his footsteps.”  She explains as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.</p><p>“But where will you go?” He asks, unable to keep the line of concern that etches between his brows.</p><p>“New York City.  My brother knew this girl in college and I stayed in contact with her.  She lives there and said she’d be able to hook me up with a place to stay.  Think about it, even if my dad comes after me, he won’t by the way, how’s he ever gonna find me there?  There are so many people.” She waves a hand lazily, “Besides, my dad’s been telling me to get a job ever since he found out that I’m not going to college.  He wants me out as soon as possible so it can just be him and his new family.  Trust me, I’ll be doing him a favor.”</p><p>He doesn’t know her home life well enough to object, and even if he did, he knows he’s never lived a day in her shoes and that her opinion is probably weightier than his in this situation.</p><p>“What do you need me for exactly?” He’s not unwilling to help but if he’s completely honest, it sounds like she’s got it all figured out, he’s failing to see how he comes into play.</p><p>“I knew you’d ask that,” she nods, sprawling out on her back, her hair spread out on the sheets.  For someone who’s never been in his room before, she’s made herself right at home.  Though he doesn’t mind at all, Jade’s always had an air about her that fits no matter where she is.  “I know someone who was able to get me a car.  But the thing is, they’re not in California.  They left the car for me, but it’s way far out east.  And I need to be careful with my money until I can be sure I have a job, and a bus there would be too costly and <em> obviously, </em> a plane is out of the question.”</p><p>“So you need me to drive so you can get the car.” He fills in the blanks himself.</p><p>“Exactly.” She beams uncharacteristically, as if she wasn’t expecting his response. “Plus I’ll give you gas money for both ways <em> and </em>some extra cash, so it won’t all be for nothing.”</p><p>The doorknob clatters in its socket as someone tries to push the door open.</p><p>Jade snaps up from where she’s laying, irritation forming immediately on her face.  “Hey!  We’re kinda in the middle of something here!” She yells.</p><p>“Shit, my bad!” The voice on the other side calls back.  It’s Andre.  Beck isn’t sure why Andre’s trying to get into his room, but surely it can wait until he’s finished talking with Jade.</p><p>“Right, so how far do you need me to drive?  Like where’s your end goal?” He asks, returning to the topic at hand.  As much as he wants to help, he’s going to need details.</p><p>She pauses, a slight frown forming on her face, “I can’t tell you that.” </p><p>“...Well why not?” He blinks in confusion.</p><p>“Because what if you rat me out?  I trust you, but I need to be careful, Beck.  Sorry, but you’re going to need to have faith in me.” She explains stone-faced, “I’ll give you a route to take.  But when we get where we need to be, I’m just gonna go, you won’t know when it’s coming.”</p><p>He’s taken aback by her sudden change in tone for a moment but it dawns on him that he’s talking about helping her <em> run away from home. </em>  They’re both legal adults so all she’s really doing is moving out.  Just in one of the most disastrously orchestrated ways.  And her dad is loaded, it’s not like she’d be struggling in the financial department.  She deserves a chance, she really does.  But holy shit this isn’t how he thought he’d be spending the summer before college.</p><p>“You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” she sighs. “But just think about-”</p><p>“I’m in,” he nods.</p><p>“You are?” She gasps in disbelief, shock and relief flooding her face.  “Really?”</p><p>This is the first time he’s ever seen her not collected and above-it-all, it’s a little weird, he can’t lie, but the look on her face is so <em> genuine </em> that he can’t <em> not </em> agree to help her out.  In a moment far too out of character for the Jade that he knows, she surges forward and wraps him in a hug.</p><p>“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she rushes out.  “You have no idea how much I need this.”</p><p>She’s right, he doesn’t.  But he thinks that’s okay.</p><p>“Do I even want to know what you two were up to in there?” Andre asks when they finally leave his room, hiding his grin behind his solo cup</p><p>Beck pulls a face and shakes his head, “Dude, no.”</p><p>“Oh bug <em> off, </em> Andre,” Jade rolls her eyes, snatching the cup from him and taking a sip before handing it back.  “What?  A girl can’t talk to a friend?  Besides, believe me, if we were hooking up, it wouldn’t be over that fast.”  She retorts, tongue-in-cheek.</p><p>“Now, I never said that,” Andre laughs.</p><p>“It was implied,” she replies loftily, brushing off Beck’s shoulder and strutting away.</p><p>As soon as she’s gone Andre turns to him, “So what were you guys really doing?” He asks.</p><p>“I don’t think I can tell you…” Beck says, still feeling like he’s in some weird fever dream.</p><p>“Fine, be like that.” Andre shrugs.  “But when I eventually find out, it better be good.”</p><hr/><p>Jade calls him the next night and tells him that she plans to leave in two days.  He doesn’t pick up.  Granted, it’s well past midnight, he has no business being awake.</p><p>“I know I <em> really </em>didn’t give you that much time, I get it if you’re out, I won’t be mad.  But if you’re still in, please let me know.” She rushes out in a hushed whisper.</p><p>She considers saying more, her brain has so much more running through it, but she knows that nothing she can say right now could ever convey what she needs it to.  So she hangs up and quickly drops her phone on her side table, her heart beating a mile a minute.  She stares out her window in attempt to grab any semblance of composure.  Her fingers grab hold of a strand of her hair as she fiddles mindlessly.  </p><p>She’s never really been a nervous person until now.</p><p>She needs this plan to work.  She needs to get out of this house.  But in order to do that, she needs Beck.  She was probably going out on a limb by asking him of all people, but he was her best option.  Andre would try and convince her to stay (despite the fact that her heart and mind have been made up since she was 16).  Cat would rat her out on accident, and probably cry way too much.  Out of all the people she knows, Beck’s the most understanding, and that’s what she needs the most right now, someone who won’t judge her too harshly.  Of course, it doesn’t hurt that his parents are gone for the month, but even if they weren’t, she’d still ask him.</p><p>Obviously, it’s a lot to ask from someone, she knows that well enough.  But this whole situation is a lot in general.  Her bags have been packed for a week and she just needs to <em> go. </em>   Her dad, this house, <em> everything, </em> is too stifling and she won’t allow herself to stay any further.  She can’t keep clipping her own wings for the sake of others and she can’t stand back and watch herself drown, gasping for air.</p><p>All she needs is to get to Illinois and she’s as good as gold.  It’s an absurd amount of miles to drive, but what other choice does she have?  And yes, she feels guilty for leaving everyone else behind, she feels <em> terrible </em> about it, but at the end of the day, it comes between freedom and friendships.  And she can’t be living true to herself with her dad breathing down her neck.</p><p>So it’s time, isn’t it?  It’s time she gets out of here.  Because anyone who knows her knows that she is a <em> damn </em>force to be reckoned with.  It’s her thing, she leaves a huge impression on everyone she meets, no matter where she goes.  And isn’t this the most high-impact thing she could do?  It’s really not all that surprising if she thinks about it long enough.</p><p>She thought it would hurt more, if she’s being honest.  But in reality, she’s two days away, staring out at the moon, her heart halfway out the window already.  It’s like she’s been sitting in wait for this moment long enough, and now that it’s actually here, she’s ready as she’ll ever be.  God, she hopes Beck pulls through.  It’s weird having her entire plan depend on someone else, but she trusts him well enough.</p><p>It’s obvious that her nerves aren’t calming down any time soon, so she forces herself into bed and pulls the sheets up high.  Hopefully, by tomorrow she’ll seal her fate.</p><p>He calls her back the next morning, apologizing profusely for not picking up last night.  Although, she did call him at 2 am, it’s barely his fault.  But it doesn’t matter because he’s in.  Despite every part of her that was frozen with the terror that he might decide it’s too much, that helping her isn’t worth it, he’s agreed.</p><p>Beck Oliver has pulled through for her, despite every reason he has not to.</p><p>And just like that, she’s one step closer to being free.</p><hr/><p>Beck drops by her house, two afternoons later, just as he’d promised her.  Her dad’s not home and when he eventually returns, he’ll think she’s out or sleeping at a friend’s house.  Jade’s certain he won’t notice for at least a day.</p><p>Beck helps her load her bags into the trunk of his car and when she decides to take one last sweep around her room to make sure she hasn’t left behind anything important, he goes up with her.  It’s the first time he’s ever been in her room, or seen it for that matter, it’s weird that the only time he’ll ever see it is now, that if he’s ever in this room again, it won’t be her room anymore.</p><p>A lot is missing, but he can still see everything clearly.  The scattered papers on her desk, the bass guitar hanging on the wall (he’s heard her play before, he wishes she’d take it with her but there’s probably a good reason she didn’t), the posters and art pieces attached to the wall, the half-filled journals with scribbled down ideas, the poor paint job where she definitely painted over her old walls with a muted blue.  It’s all very Jade.  He isn’t well acquainted with her, but something about the space feels right for her.</p><p>There’s a deep-set and determined finality on her face that’s telling him that this isn’t just a whim for her.  This is something she needs to do and she’s made up her mind already.</p><p>Once she’s looked over everything twice, gone through every drawer in her desk and dresser, checked under her bed, pulled out some books from her bookshelf, and pulled her side table back, she’s certain that she’s got everything.</p><p>He’s standing in the doorway, watching as she takes one last look around her room and says her goodbyes.  There’s a look on her face, tinged slightly green, she takes in a shaking breath, stubbornly refusing to let the tears in her eyes be shed.</p><p>“Are you okay?” He asks.  It’s pathetic.  He knows the answer, he can see her right in front of him.  Hell, he can see himself reflected in the wells of her eyes.  She’s running away, of course she’s upset, nobody has ever called it easy.  He can’t possibly imagine what she’s feeling right now and he’d be a fool to even try.</p><p>She shakes her head in the slightest fashion, he’d miss it if he wasn’t holding his breath.  She gasps in a shaky breath of air, a choked off sob escaping her throat.</p><p>He rushes toward her, she looks like her legs are about to collapse on her any second, and wraps her in his arms, pulling her tightly to his chest.  She buries her face in his chest, letting out another sob, clearer this time, and he swears the sound echoes through his ribs and breaks his heart in two.  He doesn’t know what to say, if he should say anything at all, but this seems to work for her, so it’s exactly what he’ll do.</p><p>After a moment, her cries have calmed down and she stops quivering with every breath she takes.  At her cue, he lets her go.</p><p>“I need a moment alone.” She says, her voice hollow and her eyes sunken.  His shirt is still damp from where she cried moments ago.  “You can start the car, I won’t be too long, I’ll be down in a minute.”</p><p>He nods, taking the signal, and backs out of the room.  He doesn’t really want to leave her alone right now, but he doesn’t want to betray her trust.  So he takes the stairs and goes through the front door.</p><p>After three minutes that feel like three hours, he sees her come through the front door.  She pulls the door shut and lingers on the porch.  She shuts her eyes tightly, takes a deep breath, and lets go, getting into the passenger seat of his car.</p><p>He looks at her cautiously, waiting for a cue, and she nods wordlessly.  He doesn’t have to ask what to do, he already knows and he backs out of the driveway, the hollow silence echoing through the car.</p><p>She straightens her shoulders and sits up properly, but it doesn’t do much to distract from the pink rims around her eyes and the partially dried tear tracks left on her face.  Maybe she’s starting to regret her decision, maybe he misinterpreted her determination earlier.</p><p>“I can turn around if you want,” he offers.</p><p>“No.” She says firmly, profusely shaking her head, “I’m not backing out.  I’ll be <em> fine, </em> Beck, I’m just processing that I’m actually going through with it.  That’s all.”</p><p>So he keeps going, driving down the path she told him to.  There’s something calling him to pull over the damn car, park on the side of the road, and not move until she’s feeling okay.  But she’s already told him that this is a time-sensitive situation and he knows that, plus she’d probably just tell him to start it right back up again, so he doesn’t.</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her wipe away her tears, softly sniffling.  It’s an awfully delicate sight for such a crude departure.</p><p>But she deserves the freedom she needs, so he drives and doesn’t think twice.  They exit her street, speed out of her neighborhood, and he can tell she’s gaining composure the further and further they get away from her house.</p><p>She takes in a deep breath, exhaling slowly.</p><p>“You okay?” He asks, tearing his gaze from the road to glance over at her for even a second.</p><p>“Yeah.  I am.” She says confidently with a nod of her head.  “I promise.”</p><p>And then she suddenly laughs.  She laughs and it breaks through the air, clear and strong.  It’s enough to make his heart soar even the slightest bit.</p><p>“I didn’t think I’d actually do it,” she mutters in amazement, the pure wonder and awe in her voice is undeniable, it’s unlike anything he’s ever heard her say.</p><p>She lets out a shout of triumph and he can’t help the smile that breaks out on his face.  He’s never heard so much pride, ecstasy, and relief in a laugh before, but it’s one of the most beautiful sounds to ever grace his ears.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?” He asks cautiously, they’ve been on the road for two hours and it’s suddenly popped into his head.</p><p>“Okay,” she shrugs, “why not, we got a long way ahead of us anyway.”</p><p>“It’s gonna sound real stupid, but why are you running away?  Why not just move out?”</p><p>“I mean, I guess I <em> could’ve </em> just moved out, my dad would probably get less pissed.” She says softly, he can see her picking at a loose thread on her shirt out of the corner of his eye.  “But I’ve spent so long being so… <em> angry </em> at him that I don’t think he even <em> deserves </em> a peaceful bow out from me.  He’s never supported me, so why should I give him a righteous conclusion?  He was a terrible dad to me and now that I can, I want him to live with the gravity of his actions.”</p><p>He’s always known that he didn’t know everything about Jade, but it never occurred how much he was in the dark until now.  He realizes that he never really knew her at all, that the first time he’s meeting her is right now, in the front seat of this car.  He likes her though.  Or at least, he likes what he knows about her so far.  And something tells him that he won’t be finding everything out about Jade West any time soon, but he’d like to know as much as she’d tell him.</p><hr/><p>She offered to alternate driving days with him, but he refused.  She thinks it’s because he feels bad.  Or maybe he’s just scared of letting her drive after seeing her cry so violently.  Or he’s scared that she’s going to steal his car, or crash it, or something, though she can’t really say she blames him for that.  But still, she feels bad for making him wake up at ungodly hours just to drive, so after three days, she changes their schedule to take a week and a half.  That way she knows they’ve both rested enough.</p><p>The journey’s somehow less and more nerve wracking than she had projected it to be.  Staying overnight in motel rooms and eating all meals in rundown diners is still a foreign concept to her, but she’s sure she’ll get used to it eventually.  There’s a consistent ache in her lower back from sitting in a car all day that the cheap motel beds don’t do much to alleviate, but just like the diners and the motels, she’ll get used to it too.</p><p>It could be worse, it really could.  Her dad could’ve caught her leaving, they could’ve gotten a flat tire or a busted engine, Beck could’ve turned on her, <em> hell, </em> Beck could’ve said no to driving.  But no, it’s going as perfect as it possibly could.</p><p>And it doesn’t hurt that she could’ve picked worse company.  She’s found that he’s an excellent conversationalist, though he’s always been notorious for being overwhelmingly charismatic, she should’ve seen it coming.</p><p>“So what would you do then?”  He asks, laughing in between the last bites of his burger.  She had pretty quickly gotten tired of thinking about her dad so they’d switched topics.</p><p>“That’s easy.” She scoffs, “If the purge ever happens, I’m cutting off people’s hair and selling it for wigs.”</p><p>“Okay, how the hell is that better?” He says incredulously, his jaw slightly open.</p><p>“Oh it’s <em> so </em>much better,” she reaffirms.  “You said you’d go camping.  On a night where all crime is legal.”</p><p>“Yeah.” He repeats, nodding as if she’s missed out on something completely obvious.  “Everyone’s out committing crime but I’d be isolated from all of society, chilling in the woods.  It’s leagues better.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes disbelievingly and shakes her head, “Unbelievable,” she mutters. <em> “Unbelievable. </em>   You have the chance to get away with <em> anything </em> and that’s the answer you pick…”</p><p>“Come <em> on, </em> you want to sell hair,” he deadpans.</p><p>“Yeah…  And it’s a great idea.”</p><p>“Debatable.”</p><p>“Better watch yourself or I’m coming after your’s first.” She shrugs simply, taking a sip from her straw.</p><p>She settles the bill (more like slaps 25 bucks down on the table), and they head out into the parking lot.  There’s a motel 15 minutes away and despite not driving, she’s already exhausted for the day, she can only imagine how tired he is.</p><p>But he’s still adamant about driving, so she doesn’t push it and watches the stars fly past her window.  They’re somewhere in either the far east of Arizona or the far west of New Mexico, they had been too busy talking for her to notice any signs.</p><p>“I have a question,” she says, straightening up in her seat.</p><p>“Hit me with it,” he replies lazily, a relaxed casualty about him.</p><p>“Why weren’t we friends?”  She asks.  She’s known Beck for four years and for four years they’d held each other at arm's length, yet it’s taken three days and it feels like it’s always been this way.  There’s a sense of security that surrounds him that she rarely finds in others.</p><p>“We’re friends, don’t you think?” He replies, but she can see that he isn’t quite convinced by the look in his eyes and the tension in his shoulders.</p><p>“We both know that’s not true,” she says softly.  “You know what I mean, we barely spoke.”</p><p>He shrugs, “I don’t really know…  We should’ve though.”</p><p>“Yeah, we should’ve.  Now high school’s over,” she huffs, unable to keep the disappointed bitterness in her voice.</p><p>“Well, I think we’re making up for lost time,” he says.  “If anything, at least we’re friends now.”</p><p>“But I’m leaving,” she replies.  “I’m gonna be gone one day and we’re never going to see each other again.”</p><p>“Never,” he echoes, a twinge of sadness reflected in his eyes. “Don’t say never, it’s so <em> final.” </em></p><p>She cracks a small smile despite herself, she knows he’s thinking positively, but she also knows that when she <em> says </em> never, she <em> means </em> never.  But he’ll come to that revelation on his own eventually, there’s no reason for her to force it.  He doesn’t get it yet.  Finality is the whole purpose to her plan and she can’t, <em> won’t, </em> let herself fail.</p><p>By the time they actually get to the room, she’s too tired to even move, her head heavy with lead.  She shoves her suitcases into a corner and collapses onto the bed closest to the door, the mattress creaking with every slight movement she makes.  It’s well past midnight even though they had arrived in town at 7 pm, they hadn’t made much progress in the past few hours and spent most of their time stocking up on snacks.</p><p>He throws his flannel down on his bed, letting out a yawn.  She looks up from her pillow to only barely peek at him.</p><p>“Good night,” she manages to get out.</p><p>“Are you not changing?” He asks.</p><p>“I’d love to, but right now, the effort of getting clothes out of my suitcase is way more than I’m willing to put in,” she replies lazily. “Plus I don’t want to do laundry.”</p><p>He looks over her and shakes his head, “Don’t make yourself sleep in jeans, that’s the <em> worst. </em>  Come on, I’ll give you some of mine if you don’t want yours.”</p><p>She looks up at him particularly.  “But then you’ll have to do laundry.”</p><p>He shrugs, “That’s fine with me.  I’ll take that as a yes?”</p><p>She feels guilty taking his stuff, but he offered, it’s not like she took it on her own accord.  Technically she’s not being an asshole if it was his idea, right?</p><p>He tosses a shirt and some shorts onto the corner of her bed and offers a soft smile.  “In case you want something more comfortable.”  He goes to change in the bathroom, leaving her alone in the room with the clothes.  Well, if he insists, it’s not like she’s going to say no.  It’s a sweet gesture from him, all things considered.  He didn’t have to do it, especially not when she’s the one who’s dragged him all the way out here.  But she appreciates it even more.  So when he comes out, she slips into the bathroom, clothes in hand.</p><p>They’re unfamiliar, and maybe wearing someone else’s clothes would be a practice far too intimate to others, but she finds it comfortable.  Or at least more comfortable than sleeping in jeans.</p><p>She gets back in bed and utters a quick thanks.  He assures her that it’s no issue and mutters a goodnight.</p><p>She falls asleep to the sound of the radiator and his breathing.</p><p>They check out of the motel the next morning around 10.  The motel shower was far too weak and the water was far too cold, which made for a lousy start to the day, but it hasn’t done much to permanently dampen her spirits.  </p><p>Another day, another hundred miles she moves away from home.  She asks Beck at least a dozen times if he’s sure he isn’t still tired and when he’s assured her at least a dozen times, they finally set out on the road.</p><p>They head east for three hours, and it’s all going to plan, or at least she thinks so.  She’s not sure, she’s never run away from home before.  But they’re doing well.  Suspiciously well.  </p><p>Which is why she <em> really </em> shouldn’t be surprised that they get pulled over about three hours into their drive.  It’s for a ‘badly made lane change,’ supposedly, but the officer’s starting to get far too invasive and starts asking questions that she’s beginning to suspect have nothing to do with their turn signals.  </p><p>Oh, they’re so screwed.  Over what, she isn’t sure, but Beck definitely wasn’t prepared to answer all these questions and he’s starting to look a little nervous.  And <em> shit, </em> what if her dad sent out a missing persons report for her?  She’s fucking done for.</p><p>But almost as soon as the worry hits her and she’s ready to give up on her dreams, it dissipates.  He’s done it, the bastard.  The officer’s walking back to his car and they’re off scot-free.  She turns to look at him in disbelief, her jaw open.</p><p>He’s equally in shock, eyes wide, carefully watching to make sure the officer is actually gone.</p><p>“You did it,” she whispers incredulously.  “He’s leaving…”</p><p>“Holy shit,” he whispers back, equally in awe.  “I thought we were goners for sure.”</p><p>She did too, but the last thing she needs right now is him doubting his abilities, so she says, “Nah, I knew you had it in you.” (She in fact, did not.)</p><p>And as soon as the sheriff’s car is out of view, he starts the car up again.  Her heart still pounding, she feels like she’s up for a rush of adrenaline just to balance herself out.</p><p>She tells him to hurry up, to just <em> gogogo </em> as fast as he can.  So he does.  And maybe it’s reckless of them to start speeding after getting pulled over, but nothing about them screamed careful in the first place.</p><hr/><p>It’s been an interesting few days to say the very least.  He thought driving her to a random state would be far more frustrating than it’s actually been.  At this point, it’s starting to feel less like an escape route and more like a road trip.  One day they’re getting pulled over, the next, Jade’s making him stop the car to look at some horses she spotted in a field.  But tonight she makes him stop at a drug store to buy a bottle of bleach and blue hair dye.  </p><p>Somehow, she’s managed to convince him to let her dye a section of his hair blue.  They even cut the night off early and stopped driving just so she could do it, which is how he ends up sitting shirtless in a bathtub, hunched over while she towers over him, holding the showerhead and washing the bleach out of his hair.</p><p>She gasps in excitement at the sight of the blond streak promising that it’s going to turn out incredibly.  He still isn’t sure whether to believe her or not, but she drags him to the sink, sits on the counter to put the dye in, and he supposes that he has to take her word for it.  After all, she’s the one who currently has green in her hair and it seems to work for her.</p><p>“Stand still,” she admonishes, softly pulling down on his shoulder to better level him with herself.  She takes her brush and works the dye into his hair.  It’s silent, save for the sound of her singing under her breath and the tap dripping.  It isn’t a surprise by any means that Jade’s a good singer, but something about now, makes him feel like he’s on another plane of existence.</p><p>It’s the first time he’s ever made a drastic change to his hair.  Although, it’s also his first time acting as a getaway driver, so he supposes it’s only fitting that both experiences are with her.</p><p>Jade beams up at him, “It’s gonna look sick, promise.”  She jumps off the counter and looks at herself in the mirror, making a face.  “We should’ve bought green, I could’ve touched up my hair.”</p><p>He isn’t sure how to respond to that, he’s still too taken aback by the sight of himself with blue in his hair, even if it isn’t done yet.</p><p>She looks back over her shoulder at him, then shakes her head and shrugs, “Nah, blue suits you better.”</p><p>This whole ordeal is unconventionally soft for what he’s come to know about Jade, but as he learned early on, he’s really only getting to know her for the first time.  So he adds this moment to his ever-growing understanding of Jade.</p><p>He isn’t allowed to leave the bathroom out of their fear that the dye might get on things, but she promises to stay in there with him and they take their seats on the floor, making stupid jokes that aren’t that funny in retrospect, but at the time they’re the funniest thing either of them has ever heard.  Sure, the bathroom’s a little cramped, but they still manage to sit across from each other anyway.</p><p>He mentions that he’s thinking about getting a tattoo and her face immediately lights up with a determined look.  She grabs a pen and starts doodling on his arm, working up his shoulder as she tells him stories from before he knew her.</p><p>“You keep moving!” She says stubbornly each time he laughs, “First the dye, now the pen.  You’re making my job harder, you know?”</p><p>“Okay, I’m sorry, I promise I’ll stop.” He swears, but it’s a weak promise that he breaks as soon as she starts talking again.  He thinks that the real solution would be for her to stop making him laugh, but he doesn’t want that, so he doesn’t tell her.</p><p>She shoots him an impatient glare that doesn’t last very long but he ignores it, he knows she doesn’t mean it.</p><p>When she’s finally satisfied with her drawings, she sits back and watches carefully as he observes it for the first time.  She’s done a wave, roaring up from the ocean, crashing into rocks.  It’s so very Jade but so very him at the same time.  When he looks back up from his arm, she’s looking at him nervously.</p><p>“I love it,” he says in awe.  “It’s perfect.”</p><p>“You really think so?” She asks, grinning up at him.</p><p>“I <em> do </em>think so,” he reaffirms, running a finger over it.</p><p>“Good.” She says simply, the smile lingering on her face.</p><p>Her timer goes off then, and she jumps to shut it off.  It’s been long enough that he can finally wash the dye out.  She holds the showerhead again, helping him rinse it out of his hair.  He watches as blue streams of water flow from his hair, pooling in the tub.</p><p>“Oh my <em> god, </em>it looks incredible,” she shouts over the sound of the water.  He sure fucking hopes so.</p><p>She runs her hand through his hair until the water runs clear, and then she finally shuts it off.</p><p>He waits in the shower as she runs to get a towel, the water chilling his skin.  She comes back, towels in hand, wraps one around his shoulders, and starts drying his hair with the other one.</p><p>“I can do it, you don’t have to,” he says.  She’s already gone through all the effort of actually dyeing his hair, surely he can handle drying it.</p><p>“I wanted to be the first one to see it dry, but sure,” she responds, her shrug practically audible, and steps back, leaving him to his own devices.</p><p>He runs the towel through his hair, wringing the water out.  If he’s being completely honest, he’s pretty scared to see what his hair looks like now, but none of it fell out during the bleaching so he thinks it’ll all be okay.</p><p>His hair is still damp but he’s been working long enough that at this point, this is the driest it’s going to get.</p><p>He goes to look in the mirror, bracing himself in case he ends up hating it.</p><p>“Wait, are you looking already?” She calls from the room, followed by the sound of her footsteps rushing into the bathroom.  She stands behind him and looks over his shoulder.</p><p>He wasn’t sure what he was exactly expecting, but it wasn’t this. She’s done an incredible job, of course she has.  He raises a hand and runs it through his hair in wonder.  Part of him still isn’t 100% sure that it’s real but even if it were a dream, he’d like it.</p><p>“Well?  Do you like it?”  She asks at his silence.</p><p>“Yeah,” he breathes out, sounding far more speechless than he thought he was.  A slow smile spreads across his face as he takes it all in.  He notices her in the mirror, watching him in anticipation, her face significantly brightening at his.</p><p>“Thank you,” he rushes out, turning and wrapping his arms around her, “it’s incredible.”</p><p>He can feel her smiling into his shoulder, “I’m glad you don’t hate it,” she says, her words coming out muffled.</p><p>“<em> ‘Don’t hate it’ </em>?” He laughs, “Come on, give yourself a little more credit than that, I love it.”</p><p>She backs away, gazing intensely into his eyes, her fingers lightly brushing the streak of blue away from his face, before whispering, “Good.  You can keep up with it when I’m gone.  That way, you’ll always remember me.”</p><p>It’s such a shift of energy that he’s taken aback for a moment.  He swallows the lump in his throat that’s suddenly formed.  That’s right, isn’t it?  She’s going to be gone any day now.  The fact that she’s still here is surprising enough.</p><p>Maybe she senses the uneasiness radiating off him in tidal waves, because she breaks out of it quickly, dusting herself off and stepping out of the bathroom.</p><p>“The stars look nice tonight,” she says casually, like she hasn’t just done that.  “You should come look at them with me.”</p><p>Still completely and utterly dumbfounded, he follows her into the parking lot and jumps onto the hood of his car, helping her up next to him.</p><p>The sky is a clear, deep blue, almost black really, that goes on for infinity.  It’s times like this where he thinks that the sky could swallow him whole and never return him and he’d be okay with it.  But his thoughts on the sky and his current situation are far too complex and far too ineffable, so he pushes them out of the way and decides to relax, leaning back.</p><p>Jade looks over at him curiously before following suit and copying.  The moonlight hits her face in a way that takes his breath away for a moment.  It’s nice, he thinks.  It’s calm, it’s quiet, it’s beautiful.  It’s perfect, even.</p><p>“I don’t know if you care,” she says, her voice forging through the silence, “but you can see some constellations right now.”</p><p>“Yeah?” He asks, turning his head to look at her.  There’s a content look on her face that makes a calm warmth spread through his chest.  “Like what?”</p><p>She shifts closer to him and points up to a point above them, moving her finger and connecting the stars, “Well, <em> that one </em> is Lyra and that star right there is Vega, the fifth brightest in the sky.”</p><p>She moves her hand, pointing and connecting once again, “That one’s Draco.  If we had a telescope or something, we could probably get a look at a couple of galaxies or a nebula.  But that’s just wishful thinking on my part.”</p><p>He can’t really make out much of the shapes she’s forming, blame it on a limited imagination, he supposes.  But he could listen to her talk about it forever, so he doesn’t interrupt.</p><p>She gasps, her eyes widening with recognition, “And there’s Hercules.  It’s one of the biggest constellations <em> and </em>it has the Keystone in it.”</p><p>He’s completely lost, no matter how badly he wants to see the shapes, but he can die trying.  </p><p>He asks her about the sky, what her favorite formations are, and she willingly obliges, answering with her heart in a way that he’s never heard from her before.</p><p>And he thinks they would be good for each other.  Or at least, they could be good to each other.</p><p>He’ll never tell her, no, of course not.  She has too much calling for her, whatever feelings he feels right now are completely irrelevant when it comes to her plan.</p><p>Except that she’s looking at him peculiarly and it makes him think that <em> maybe </em> it isn’t just him, that maybe he isn’t grasping at straws here.</p><p>Then she rushes forward, seizing his face in her hands.  And he falls, he falls <em> irrevocably. </em>  He falls fast and he falls hard.  He falls with his head thrown back like caution to the wind, arms spread wide, screaming to the nothingness with his heart bare for the world to see.  He falls cautiously.  He falls all at once.  He falls like there’s an invisible string drawing him to her.</p><p>Her fingers leave scorch marks all over him, burning great fires down the valley of his spine, the nape of his neck, and every fiber of his being.  Her name passes on his lips like a confession of the gravest sin and a chanting of the most sacred prayer.  She clutches at his hair and death itself has no choice but to concede.</p><p>She breaks off, gasping for air, resting her forehead against his before diving back in.  He’s done for.  He is completely and utterly done for.  Whatever god above exists has struck him directly through the heart and delivered him to her.  Her hands knot themselves up in his shirt, pulling him closer and closer with every moment.  He could get lost in her forever, never return, and be completely fine with the path life led him down.</p><p>They fall asleep in the same bed that night, her head tucked in the valley between his neck and shoulder, to the sound of the radiator and each other’s breathing.</p><hr/><p>Making out with her getaway driver wasn’t on Jade’s list of things to do, but she finds herself there anyway.  It’s fitting though, isn’t it?  A girl on the run, sleeping in decrepit motel rooms overnight.  What difference does a lover on the side make?</p><p>In all fairness, she was starting to get bored so maybe it’s about time she and Beck broke the rules, saves them from getting stuck in a cyclical mess of nothingness.  Besides, it’s made the past few days far more exciting.</p><p>She knows that he would never come with her, that he isn’t about to throw away an entire life, no, an entire <em> future, </em>just to run away to New York with her.</p><p>So she doesn’t ask.  </p><p>It’s never going to happen, or at least, not in this life.  She’s already changed their schedule enough times that they’re taking way longer than they need to, any more and it’d be obvious.  Part of her just wants to ask him, to throw caution to the wind and to rush out a quick, <em> ‘Come with me.  We could make it.’ </em>   But he isn’t like that, he isn’t like her in that way.  He’s too…  <em> grounded, </em> she thinks.  But when it comes to her, she’s a free agent, she goes where the wind takes her, where her heart calls her.  </p><p>But <em> Beck.  </em>Beck’s a rock, no, a mountain, formed centuries ago with the shifting of the plates, emerging from the Earth and growing steadily but surely.  The kind of person that would be good for her, after all, even she needs some kind of foundation from time to time.  But he already has all of his roots planted firmly and to even try and uproot him would be a sin.</p><p>They never stood a sliver of a chance.</p><p>And it hurts.  It hurts to know that at the end of it all, she’ll be abandoning one of the purest things she has right now.  That whatever she finds in New York won’t be able to erase the fact that <em> she </em> left <em> him </em>behind.  That this is a bittersweet story that is being forced to a close.  </p><p>But while they might burn out quickly, she’ll make sure that they go out burning big, bright, and beautiful.  </p><p>To cope with herself, she reminds him every day, <em> “You know, I’m going to leave one of these days.  You won’t be able to tell when either.  I can’t have anyone tracing me, you’ll just wake up one day and I’ll be gone.” </em>  </p><p>And he always replies, with a slightly pained look in his eyes, <em> “I know, that’s part of your plan, I understand.” </em></p><p>For whatever reason, his response frustrates her.  Maybe she wishes he’d doubt her more, that he’d get angry or <em> something, </em> because if he doubts, at least she can be <em> mad </em> at him.  But no, he understands.  He doesn’t get upset with her or anything.  He just understands.</p><p>She absent-mindedly traces a random pattern on his bare thigh with her finger.  Somehow the random patterns turn into a quickly scribbled, <em> ‘staystaystay’ </em> and <em> ‘comewithme.’ </em>  He can’t tell, of course he can’t, it’s not like she’s spraying it on the walls, or carving it into stone, or shoving it in his face.  But maybe if she does it enough times, it’ll sink into his subconscious and he’ll beg her to have him and to let him run away with her.  It won’t happen, she knows.  It’s a sick fantasy at best, but it’s her best attempt at quelling the heartbreak she knows is coming any day now.</p><p>“What are you doing?” He asks her, raising a brow, a laugh playing on his lips.</p><p>“Hm?  Oh.  I don’t know, guess I just got lost in my head.” She ‘confesses,’ putting on a face that’s far too innocent for her.</p><p>“Come here,” he says, pulling her in for a deep kiss, the kind that demands all of your attention and fills your lungs with reproachable craving, his eyes clouded with something she can’t quite place.</p><p>“I told you,” she says, trying to stop herself from getting any more invested than she already is, “I’m leaving one of these days, and you’ll never see it co-”</p><p>“I’ll never see it coming, I know.” He interrupts, light-heartedly rolling his eyes, “But as far as I’m aware, you were still here when I woke up this morning, and you’re still here now.  I thought you were all about living in the present, yeah?  I’m just trying to enjoy it while I still can.”</p><p>Son of a <em> bitch, </em>this is going to hurt, isn’t it?</p><p>They’re only one state away.  All they have left is a few more days of driving.  And then she doesn’t have any excuses.  She has to go.  There’s a bus stop in Macomb that’s calling her name and a car a few hours out from there waiting for her.</p><p>And maybe someone weaker than her would give up now, call it all off and just come back home.  But she knows herself well enough to know that she can’t. Jade West is not a quitter and she isn’t about to start now.</p><p>But he’s right, she’s living in the future too much.  She’s not gone just yet, would it really kill her to let herself enjoy what she has while it’s right in front of her?  God knows that she’ll be ruminating on it all in a few weeks, what damage could come from letting herself care for once?</p><p>Although, it’s probably safe to say that she’s cared for far longer than just now.</p><p>She takes his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together, and tucks her head in the crook of his shoulder.  There’s comfort in the silence and she finds herself thinking that she could stay basking in it forever.  But she also knows that right outside these walls, the rest of the world is waiting, roaring with life.</p><p>And she’s already made her decision, it’s too late to turn back now.  She chose to dive head first into the commotion, regardless of how she feels in the silence right now.</p><p>They set out on the road again a few hours later when the sky’s bright enough and they’re fully awake, and as they get closer and closer to their next stop, her heart sinks further and further and she finds herself holding onto his hand tighter and tighter, as if it tethers him to her in any way.</p><p>She looks over at him, his face completely embraced by the light, as if he’s the sun’s favorite child.  The look on his face is so peaceful that it’s almost enough to calm the mess of emotions she feels right now.</p><p>Sensing her eyes on him, he diverts his eyes for the briefest of moments to look at her, a dallying grin playing upon his lips.  If she wasn’t so convinced they’d crash, she’d leap the center console and kiss him right on the spot.  But it’s far more irresponsible than she’s willing to be, so she puts the impulse off to the side for now.  She can kiss him later when it isn’t as much of a safety threat.</p><p>She inhales deeply, whispering the reassurance that she needs to hear.  She’s got this.  This is what she’s wanted for as long as she can remember.  Genuine freedom has never been so close, she could cry, though she’s not completely sure if it’s because of the future that awaits her or because of the future she’ll be leaving behind.  Maybe a sad amalgamation of both, if anything.</p><p>She watches as a sign whooshes past her window telling them that they’ve crossed state borders and she feels part of her twist sickly.  After tomorrow night, she’s out, she has no choice but to go.  It’s not like she can get Beck to drive any further, it would be unfair and she’d pass her actual destination and make everything significantly harder.</p><p>“You okay?” The sound of his voice breaks through her haze.  She feels a twinge of guilt at the concern in his words, but she can’t really be blamed.</p><p>“Yeah,” she says, putting on an air of casualty, “I think I’m just tired.”  She can’t tell him the real source of her unease, the entire point is for him to not know.  Besides, even if she decided to completely disregard her self-imposed regulation, she doesn’t think she’d be able to go through with it, it would pain her too much to look him directly in the eye and say it.</p><p>“Well we’re almost there,” he says comfortingly, although it has the opposite effect.  That’s the issue, isn’t it?  Their time is almost up.</p><p>Maybe it’s because she knows it’s coming, but she can’t help but feel that the writing is all on the wall, that these are the last few days she can afford herself.  She knows that she should take his advice and stay in the moment, but her impending escape can’t help but take up every corner of her head.</p><p>As soon as they get into their room for the night, Jade beelines for the bathroom.  It’s been an absurdly hot day and her mind is still clouded with her own stupor.  She shoves the faucet to the right, getting the water as cold as it can go without completely freezing her.  If she can’t get herself out of her mind naturally, she’ll ice herself out.</p><p>It hits her scalp first, as sharp as a knife.  She lets herself get consumed by the water and drives the shampoo into her hair as hard as she can, her fingers going numb from the cold.</p><p>It’s time for her to face her reality.  Tomorrow is her last day.  In less than 48 hours, she’ll be on her own and all of this will be a thing of her past, regardless of if she wants to let go or not.  But there’s the real question— is she ready?  She’s had this planned out for ages, she’d never forgive herself for screwing up in the final stretch.  The first half of the country, she had someone by her side, but she’s about to be on her own, and she’s <em> going </em> to be on her own for a good amount of time until she’s fully settled in New York.</p><p>But that’s the thing, she’s going to have to make sacrifices for her greater good.  This is just part of it.  If this is what she has to do, it’s what she has to do, no matter how nervous she might feel at this moment.  She has to keep her eye on the big picture, that’s all that matters.  It’s going to hurt, she knows this already, and while it’s always easier said than done, she’s going to have to work through the pain.</p><p>Suddenly unable to stand the cold anymore, she shuts off the water and steps out, drops of water bouncing off the cheap tile in the bathroom.  Hastily grabbing for the hairdryer, she dries her hair and gets back into clothes.  The air still feels like ice against her skin, but at the very least, she’s out of the shower.</p><p>When she exits the bathroom, he asks her if they can go look at the stars again.  And it’d be impossible for her to say no to a request like that, not when he looks at her like that.  So once again, they go out into the motel parking lot and look up at the endless sea of stars above them, the summer air slowly warming her skin back up.</p><p>They’re sat across from each other and she reaches for his hand, running her thumb across his knuckles.</p><p>“Your hands are super cold,” he laughs softly, taking her hands in between both of his, warming them.</p><p>She shakes her head and gives him a look of exasperated admiration, as if to say, <em> ‘You’re impossible.’ </em></p><p>“What?” He replies, “I can’t let you have cold hands, not when I have the power to fix them.”</p><p>The hardest part is going to be letting him go, she can already tell.  And the kicker?  She can’t even say goodbye.</p><p>She finds herself about to say, “You should come with me to New York.” But catches herself before she can actually vocalize it.  No, she’d made her mind up already.  She couldn’t possibly take him away from everything he has waiting for him.</p><p>Hell, he got into UCLA, he’s going to <em> college, </em> she has no business trying to rope him into her plans of great escape.</p><p>She can’t take him with her, but she knows she’ll miss him greatly, it’s a losing game that she keeps on playing.  But she does as he would want her to, and lives in the moment.</p><p>“Tell me a story,” she says suddenly.</p><p>“What kind?” He asks, an eager look shining in his eyes.</p><p>“Any,” she shrugs, “one that you like.”</p><p>She can see the pages turning in his brain as he considers his options.  He bites his lower lip, eyes lost in concentration and it’s almost too much for her to handle.</p><p>He tells her a story about a holiday spent with his extended family.  Jade’s never been one for family functions, but the way he tells her about his makes them sound actually nice.  Though, she supposes that her disdain for family events has to do with the family she’s stuck with, not the concept itself.</p><p>She learns that he’s the middle cousin and gets loaded with the job of being in charge of the younger ones.  Personally, Jade had never had to be child-wrangler, that job had gone to her brother, but she imagines that Beck’s probably good at it.  He could easily be the cool older cousin that the younger half looked up to.</p><p>He leans in and kisses her gently, and she’s suddenly lost in time.  His thumb brushes over her cheekbone and it ripples through her chest.  Her fingers toy with the fabric of his shirt and she can feel him smiling into the kiss.</p><p>An overwhelming sense to tell him everything washes over her.  So she spills all her secrets that night.  Well, almost all of them.  She doesn’t like opening up, but she knows they’ll be safe with him.</p><p>The next morning comes too quickly and she swears she’s going to be sick.  She’s never been so close but so far in her life.  Beck drives like he always does, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing inside of her.  For a moment, she wonders if he’s going to hurt the same way she will.  She wants to tell him, she really wishes she could, her heart feels like it could explode, leaving all her regrets in her wake.  But it’ll have to stay a secret.  She’ll never get the chance to tell him, but he’ll find out tomorrow regardless.</p><p>She holds onto his hand as tight as she can, knowing that these are the last few hours that she can.  If he notices that something’s up with her, he hasn’t said anything.  But it’d probably be way worse if he did.</p><p>Her future starts tomorrow morning, and can she blame herself for the flare of hope that starts in her?</p><p>She rolls down a window, sticking her arm out and letting the summer wind wrap itself around her.  It’s the closest thing she’ll ever feel to timeless, in the passenger seat of this car driving towards the edge of infinity.</p><hr/><p>He wakes up one day and she’s gone, carried away on a summer wind.  And for a moment, it’s easy to believe that it was all a weird fever dream and that everything was a figment of his own subconscious, but once he looks around, spots the money on the dresser, he’s dragged back to reality and his heart plummets.</p><p>No, he’s not surprised, he always knew it was coming, she had simply stuck to her own foretelling.  Besides, she had said it so many times that it had been drilled into his head.</p><p>He’s happy for her, he’s heard all her stories, he’s heard her reasons, she deserves to be free.  She’s told him about the way L.A. was practically suffocating her, that she could never keep herself there.  Every fiber of his being hopes the best for her, New York better treat her well, god knows she deserves it.</p><p>He tries not to feel too saddened, it’s not what she would’ve wanted, but he still does and it makes him feel selfish.  It’s important to her, he can’t deny her that.  But there’s still a dull sting in the back of his heart that already misses her immeasurably.</p><p>He walks out to his car and gets in, alone, for the first time in what has felt like a lifetime and it feels infinitely bigger than it ever has.  It feels wrong to be driving without her beside him, but he knows she needed to leave.  He couldn’t stay with her forever, he’s not a fool.  She needed to leave L.A. because it was tying her down, he wouldn’t be much better if he had.</p><p>The knowledge that he’ll never see her again weighs down on him, how is he meant to come back like he hasn’t just seen her for the last time?</p><hr/><p>She doesn’t let herself cry as she slips out of the motel room at 5 AM.  She doesn’t let herself cry at the bus stop.  She doesn’t let herself cry the entire ride on the bus.  She doesn’t let herself cry at the parking complex.</p><p>She doesn’t let herself cry until she gets behind the wheel and starts it up.</p><p>Then, she lets out a bitter laugh as the tears run down her face and show no signs of stopping.</p><p>She’s free.  She’s finally free but it somehow feels like she’s committed some inconsolable sin by leaving him behind.  In a different life, she’s holding him as closely and dearly as she can, laughing that in another life they’re apart.</p><p>She could barely look at him as she left, it hurt too much to remind herself that this was it.  Her heart oddly still feels like it’s catching up to her, as if she’s left part of it behind with him.</p><p>He’ll always be part of her <em> what-if’ </em>s.</p><hr/><p>He makes the drive back home in practically half the time it took for them to get there.  He’s been home for about an hour when Andre and Cat pull into his driveway.</p><p>“Dude where have you been?” Andre asks.  “They’re pretty sure Jade ran away, nobody’s seen her.”</p><p>Beck feigns shock, putting on a concerned face.  “What are they going to do?”</p><p>Andre shrugs, “She left a note, but her dad isn’t letting anyone else read it.  I don’t think he’s sending out a search party either, it’s unbelievable.  You should’ve seen him, he was all, <em> ‘Jade is 18, she’s an adult now.  She can’t expect me to come after her every time she pulls something reckless.  This is all her now.’ </em>   I couldn’t believe it.”<br/><br/>But Beck can.  And it takes everything in him to not visibly sigh in relief.  She’ll be safe.  They won’t come after her.</p><p>Andre gets a call suddenly and rushes to pick it up.  From the sound of it, it’s his grandma yelling about something that only Andre can deal with.</p><p>Cat smoothly steps into the spot next to him, eyes accusatory.</p><p>“You helped her, didn’t you?” She asks, no discernable emotion, he can’t tell if she’s mad at him, or upset, or whatever, which is strange for Cat, who wears her heart on her sleeve so often.</p><p>“What?” He responds, completely taken aback.</p><p>“You did, didn’t you?  She asked you to help.” She states simply and then points to the blue in his hair.  “I bet she did that too.”</p><p>He’s pretty sure there’s no malice in her voice.  He’s seen Cat upset before, and while it isn’t a pretty sight to see, this definitely isn’t it.</p><p>He nods slightly, “Yeah.  She did do it.  I helped.” He confesses, “She asked me and I couldn’t say no.”</p><p>“Well, where is she?” Cat asks.  It’s strange, she isn’t worried, rather curious actually.</p><p>“I can’t tell you,” he replies apologetically, “she didn’t want anyone knowing where she was.  The least I can do is honor that.  If she wants us to know, we’ll hear from her.”</p><p>He’s sure of it.  If Jade wants to be a stranger, she’ll be a stranger, but if she wants to let them know, she will.  There’s no doubt in his mind about it.</p><p>Cat nods in understanding, but he can see her blinking back tears, “Why’d she ask you?  I didn’t think you were close.”</p><p>“I really don’t know,” he shrugs, almost laughingly.  “I didn’t think we were close either, it confused me too.  But you know?  I’m glad she did.”</p><p>And that’s the last time they ever speak of it.  Of course, there’s the occasional,<em> ‘I miss Jade,’ </em> and, <em> ‘Jade would’ve wanted to be here.’ </em>  But they never talk about her undisclosed location or his involvement with her.  Hell, for all everyone else knows, he hadn’t completely gone through an epic summer romance in less than a month.  But he thinks Jade would want it that way, so that’s how it’ll stay.</p><p>They don’t hear from her all summer, and he hopes for the best and assumes that she’s okay.</p><p>But the day he’s meant to move out for college, his mom lets him know that a letter addressed to him has arrived.  She drops in his hands, it's a plain, brown envelope, his name etched into it with no return address.  But there’s a postmark in the top corner that makes his heart skip a beat, <em> New York. </em></p><p>He shuts himself in his room and tears into it.  Out falls several pages and he doesn’t know where to start first, but he reaches for the page on top, a short note with neat handwriting scribbled on it.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Beck- </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Hi.  It’s me.  Fuck, I hope this gets to you on time, I never asked you when your move in day was.  But I wanted to let you know that it’s all okay over here.  I’m safe, I have a good place to stay, I found a job.  I knew you’d worry, so here’s all the confirmation you need. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Please don’t show anyone this letter, I don’t need anyone coming out here to find me, I mean it.  This letter stays between you and me, okay?  I trust you with this but only you.  I wish I could let you send something back but I can’t let anyone back there have my address.  I’m sorry, I know it’s unfair. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Thank you for everything, really. </em>
</p><p><em>‘—</em> <em>Jade</em></p><p>
  <em> ‘(p.s.  I never told you before I left.  But I love you.)’ </em>
</p><p>His heart feels like it’s about to pound itself out of his chest.  She’s okay.  She’s safe.  She’s done it, she’s made it to her new life.</p><p>He makes a note of the postscript, and it’s almost pathetic how it’s made his heart leap.  They never said it before their sudden dissolution and he’s never let himself think about it until now, but it’s true, isn’t it?  That he loves her.  Whatever had happened that summer, he knows for certain that they had <em> something. </em></p><p>He can’t help but reread the last line, over and over and over again, taking it all in.</p><p>
  <em> ‘I love you.’ </em>
</p><p>Love not loved.  Present Tense.  Maybe he’s overthinking it, maybe he’s looking too much into it, but Jade’s always been excruciatingly particular and deliberate.</p><p>Curiously, he reaches for the other pages, he notes that they’re on significantly thicker paper than her note.  They’re all sketches, dated from the days they were on the road.</p><p>He has no idea how he didn’t notice her drawing right next to him, but apparently, she was the entire time.  He thumbs through them quickly, flipping through all the memories she chose to preserve.</p><p>The first is one of him behind the wheel, driving to their unidentified target state.  The next, him leaning against the fence of the field she forced him to stop at.  Another, him at the counter of a diner, seated on one of the stools.  Him on the hood of his car, staring up at the stars with her.  Him fast asleep, his eyes closed gently, something she must have drawn one of the nights she couldn’t sleep.  The last one isn’t even directly but he recognizes it, she’s sketched their hands interlaced, their fingers entwined together.</p><p>It’s such a <em> pure </em>moment she’s managed to capture that he feels his chest fill up with the same warmth it had months ago.  He feels a sudden longing to come find her, to say fuck it and just run to the other side of the country.  But that’s not what she wants, that wasn’t part of her plan, and he’d be a criminal to interfere.  </p><p>No, this is where their two roads diverge in the wood, both of them taking the path less traveled.  A bitter end to the sweetest journey.</p><p>Some day, a year or two later, he’ll be in New York with his older sister and he’ll spot her from across the street.  It’ll bring back the memories, the love, the heartbreak he felt in that one, brief stretch of summer.  And all his emotions, recently reignited, will come rushing to the surface, a sudden revival of who he was.  But as soon as she appears, she’ll disappear twice as fast.</p><p>And it’ll be the last time they ever see each other.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was meant to be like 3K words idk how I got here.  Sorry if you didn't like the ending, I thought it was the only logical conclusion? Okay yeah i don't have that many thoughts on this one, enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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